The legendary sargeant Oliverio Perez
Chapter 13. About how cigars and how they explode
Bogotá, Cundinamarca, Colombia
“Grandfather, I heard you on the radio! I enjoyed that long conversation, while you were flying in the plane. For a while, it reminded me of the priest and his sermons when we go to church, but the other way around. You know what I mean? How can you think of so many things to say?”
“They’re called monologues, honey bunch, if someone heard me and answered, then it would be a conversation,” he answered, chuckling, “now that part about the priest and the sermons, you’re just a genius… but please, do me a favor: don’t ever let your grandmother hear you mention that.”
“But Grandmother says that the Contras must get so mad listening to you on the radio, that these guys probably turn purple with rage.” Grandfather laughed for a while when I had finished talking.
“Manuela, I love to make her smile with my dumb speeches!”
“They’re not dumb, Grand Pops. I know that so many people listen to you on the radio. Mother says, the troops know you better than their women!” Now, that last remark, it made Gramps laugh until he cried.
“Listen kiddo, when I was still a student here in León, I had to sign up for military service. My training officer was the legendary Sergeant Oliverio Perez. He was well known by all the recruits, for he had this knack for insulting you when you put your foot in and made a mistake. You’d automatically feel ashamed of yourself after a go to with Sarge. The thing is that he was right; he used to tell us that:
In war, mistakes are paid for with your life. How’d you feel, knowing that some poor sap died because of some silly mistake of yours? The thing is, he never used foul language. When he had to reprimand someone, his diatribes were cruel, but, at the same time, clean and elegant. He never stooped low enough to have to use a vulgar word. I must confess that I admired him. I also learned from him in many ways. Among the many teachings that he left me, I believe that there’s one that’s become my favorite. He taught me that no matter what you’re called upon to do in life, it’s up you, to do it well, with elegance and style.”
“I guess you learned your lessons well, Grandpa, because Grandmother was laughing, as she listened to you. According to what she said, you’re the best, badmouthed rascal, she had ever come across in her life! She said it was hard to believe that when you met, you were such a quiet and timid person.
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